Time flies...

Today is 6th day of Ramadhan 1436H..time flies very fast..my procrastination really drove me crazy. But Alhamdulillah..Allah is the best planner and I have submitted my long overdue thesis in March.

I have spent 5 years 5 months 5 days..to submit this angel. Posted the two hardbound copies on 5th March 2015 via Postlaju..was doubtful on the reliability of this national courier.

Had been tracking for this daily.

And on 12th March..received the confirmation email from MIGR (Monash Institute of Graduate Research). Alhamdulillah..yet waiting for the result is rather scary. Now its the time to pray hard.
Hasbunallahu Wa Ni'mal Wakeel.

Now..reminiscing my Phd moment, it was priceless..

My Phd mates..we met weekly for a discussion/chit chatting..sharing problem, sharing solutions!

work station

Level 4, F Building Monash Caulfield has been my office for 4 years

We opted to stay in Clayton for supports..we have more Malay friends in Clayton, hence I have to commute to Caulfield using the shuttle bus..but it was ok..its free and with wifi.

Though it was a lonely journey, hard, tough and painful it was the most appreciated moments for my small family, we learnt to be a family..we become wiser due to the experience..we learn to see the world..we learnt about cohesion, connectedness..the meaning of family and we appreciated the opportunity to be together in pain, in bitterness and in happiness..it was treasured deep in our heart..well Melbourne becomes home to us..the children is longing to go back..we are aching to be there but Malaysia is where we belong.

Life is harder over here..children (and parents) are stressed with life..catching up the syllabus, meeting the standards and unresolved exams. Further the economy is not good..high inflation rate and the poor becomes poorer..the workers working harder as Karl Max coined the capitalist economy. the dominant capitalist (the bourgeoisie class) dominating the world and suppressing the subordinate proletarian class ( the workers).

Well..I have spent enough time to procrastinate again on my work (I'm supposed to prepare the exam qs for my students...but time well spent in this blog).

Before I left..salam Ramadhan..enjoy our time in Melbourne..in July 2013

Praying in the changing room was a must activity

 

Ramadhan in Melbourne was filled up with halaqah

July is Winter..as Melbourne is not snowing..we went to the highland for this experience.

And the boys enjoyed their soccer club..they played while fasting..they are amazing boys

And lots more to share..but I really need to stop here. Salam Ramadhan.

Ramadan Dua: DAY 6
O Allah, on this day, do not let me abase myself by incurring Your disobedience, and do not strike me with the whip of Your punishment, keep me away from the causes of Your anger, by Your kindness and Your power, O the ultimate wish of those who desire. Ameen.

(Transliteration : Allah huma laa takhzu lini fihi letaa rudi maa siyatika vala tad ribni be siyati nake matika vazah zihani fihi min mujhibaate sakhtika bemanika wa ayaa dika ya muntahaa ragh batir raagibin. )

IG..instagram madness..an overdue draft

The ramblings start....."ntah apa2 sekarang ni dah addicted kepada IG..Fb dah boring dah..pastu tgk issue ntah apa2 kat wall FB..jadi muak pulak. Teringat masa FB tgh naik, sampai ada diagnosis for that epidemic..FB ,twitter, keek, IG dan ntah apa2 lagi. teringat dulu ada frienster, myspace,hi5 tapi semua tu dah macam mati..
Yang syok dengan instagram ini sebab ada gambar dan short video. pastu kita boleh access to the personal life of that person (unless it is under the private setting). The concept of follower, following and like, indeed has created a new social syndrome. Limited communication but a great way of self marketing, building new relationship and networking hence building  and strengthening the capital.

What I have observed so far is that, IG is cheap and effective for online business, especially when it involved public figures. There is an emerging trend, for  the entrepreneurs  (especially the newbies) posted/presented their product to these figures as a gift yet exactly as promotion  ( I speculate, it was not a sincere gesture at all, rather they want it to be published in these figures IG wall).when these figures especially artist posted the received items/gifts in their IG wall, her/his followers would actually interested to buy it. Beyond that interaction, I can see the new emerging relationship built, when in reality, this kind of interaction would be almost impossible.

that is the positive effect of IG..nevertheless, negatively, people can comments any thing, everything from all sources, from all angle, from all over the world. some comments were insensitive and racially abused. some were protective and others were constructive. hence I would rather set my IG account private."

This is my rambling thoughts on 3th August 2013..perhaps my first encounter with IG..well, now IG connects me with my children.... (err...after they blocked me on FB).

Well..I love this changing pictures on the IG on PC wall..kinda reminiscing therapy.

This IG is private so..don't follow me  ;-p

Me and my work

I have decided to share my thought on my research here..well, I am working on an ethnocultural presentation of health help seeking behaviour among middle aged immigrant Malay women living in Melbourne. My focus is on how these women at their mid life, manage their psychological wellbeing and how the sociocultural and political environment shaped and reshaped their behaviour especially in maintaining or preserving their wellbeing.

Psychological wellbeing in this context is far beyond the health construct  or mental health rather it includes the physical, mental and social wellbeing. Here, it is not only at the individual level, yet also involve the community and structural participation.

My participants were the Malay women who have been migrated to Australia and got the Australian residency status, either as permanent resident or Australian citizen. I am trying to answer whether the Malay ethnocultural aspect would have some impact of their behaviours, if yes, in what way and how..or they have adapted the local surrounding? If the latter is true, how is the process and why..
now..
while researching on the topic..I found it is hard to define the "Malayness"..it is complex and far beyond the concept of ethnicity...hence I asked my self...am I a Malay...or rather a hybrid of the Malay..rather than exposing my data/result here..am sharing my experience of having some mixed blood.

I was asked many times by my children..who are they? Well..there is mixed blood in me. My great paternal granny was a Pakistani trader who married a local malay woman, that seemed to have some Chinese blood too. So, rather than a pure Malay stock, me myself was rather un"Malay". Phenotypically, I looked pan asian...during my childhood, because of my look, I got teased out. The boys teased me and called me "Bengali Putih"..well am fair enough and am looked different from other malays kids. Though adults used to praise me of my look..they told me that am pretty (well not to show off, but rather to share my experience), I could not take that as a compliment because the teasing (Bengali putih) was really disturbing. I hate it a lot..hence I hate my appearance...I did not think that I am pretty as what the adults said. I prefered to be plain Malay then..

But here in Australia, things are different..my childrens are proud that they have mixed blood..they even published their status in their social media sites..as
Mixed Paki + Chinese + Siamese (because my hubby has some siamese blood in him)
perhaps Australia is so mixed, then this mixture is something normal.

One of them told me that once his friend commented on his eyes..saying that he has small eyes but has light brown complexion..hence who are you? because your eyes look like Asian but your skin is not yellow..or not even brown as Indian..so who you are? hence he told them that he is a Malay..rather I think he said Malaysian..unfortunately..there was lots of Malaysian in their school but chinese decendent..so the kids were confused..
             Malaysian= Chinese = Asian
and where got this Malay?

Hence Malay = Mexican but not Latin?
So..malayness is so confusing then hehehee..

p/s: this is not an academic writing!

Mood rojak campur...

Again..I left this blog unattended for months.. Was busy or rather having no mood to update. But today I felt that I have to express my suppressed feeling..well it is mixed..am feeling sad, gloomy, angry. tired, fedup, bored, anxious yet also excited, looking forward, eager plus more (adjectives).
well..it may sound like am having mixed mood disorder (undifferentiated mixed mood..err..is there such diagnosis? hehehehe).

Yes..it is near..am coming back for good. why am sad and gloomy? because am leaving such a peaceful environment, less crime, friendly public transport, supportive space for me and family.
am worried because I yet to finish this thesis write up, anxious of whether I can finish this or not.
Reflecting back, it is all my procrastination problem..I should have finished it by this time..but at times I was too relaxing. And all of sudden our plan changed.

Despite that, there is future waiting for us back home..for the past few months, positive aura has lighted me (or rather my family). We have met some beautiful people, nice, warm and friendly whom treated us as if we were related. What a beautiful friendship..Alhamdulillah

Yet, living in this world is rather boring if there is no challenge. And yes..we are been challenged by a group of evil, bad people..am tired, fedup, angry with them..these people have been misused power and think she/they are smart enough, bullied those who are the minority..(nothing to do with my supervisor because she is a really good, superb woman). again this hatred feeling is suppressed because it is culturally inappropiate to express, ethically incorrect and also because am observing ramadhan..perhaps it is a test for me from Allah. Astagfirullah hazim..may Allah forgive me and others of our misconducts and led us to the correct path.

And here am I..with the rojak campur mood!


# we are now in last 10 days of ramadhan..may Allah grant us the sweetness of Lailatul Qadar. (p/s: not in a mood for hari raya though!)

Gloomy March

I have been in the 'writer block' for a longer duration than before..I'm stucked! .. am non productive and not even producing anything even I have spent 9.30am to 5.30pm in my office. It was not a good feeling at all...even this post has been drafted for quite some time..yet I don't feel like publishing it.
I have been in a bit low mood..as gloomy as the weather (Melbourne has been getting colder ..temperature could be as low as 11 degree with the max of 23 degree..I should be grateful as this is actually a very nice weather..)..but as if I have lost the battle in this journey.

Alhamdulillah..Allah is always with me..His mercy is always there...and my beloved are always there for me..I am lucky enough..should be grateful with what I have had..and what I should do is to move forward..keeping moving..keep reading, keep thinking..keep analysing and now am writing...alhamdulillah.

yet the gloomy feeling is still within..for the past few weeks, I have been missing home so much..I miss my late Papa dearly..I miss my Mami..I miss home...and today..my Mami is on her way to Mecca performing her umrah..with my sister, yet for the first time without Papa. Mami sounds excited when I called her..yet that was typical her..always hiding her true feeling.


also..my little girl will be going for 3 days camp..am gonna miss her too..she is always my little girl and will always be..I have been trying to persuade her for cancelling her trip (of course it failed because she has been waiting for this since last year, and she packed her lugage since last week)..she tried to console me by saying that she will only be away for just 2 nights..oh dear..am going to miss you (am I overprotecting her?).

Looking ahead..tomorrow would be a sunny day...with a top of 30 degree..hopefully the sunshine will brighten my day!InsyaAllah

Another verse to be memorized

Bismillah

Ali Imran: 200 

"O you who have believed, persevere and endure and remain stationed and fear Allah that you may be successful."

Hati yang berbolak balik

Bismillah..

Ya Allah, teguhkan hati-hati kami pada agama Mu. Amin