In memory

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXyj2-PTAcg

On the way to office today, my dear hubby uttering phrases of old song....really touching and reminded us to the past. The gloomy feeling is well follows the cloudy, cold climate. For the past months, we have lost many loved ones ...my beloved dad, brother in laws, cousin...those were very close to us. Indeed these feelings are shared with our kids....they have been talking- in separate occasions- about their memory with their late Tok Pa...watched the cartoons, went to mosque together, been scolded of being naughty....I still remember the day that I told him about my plan to study abroad....he did  show his worrying (being close to him, I can see this unhappiness, not he  was unhappy of my plan to continue my PhD...yet it was rather his health that concerned him most). He was relieved when I told him my plan of going to Melbourne for just one year and coming back to Malaysia after the first year....he was smiling after that. (Yet when we came here, the plan was changed...instead I planned to have my full 4 years course in Melbourne with sample collecting here).  I know he indeed happy with my achievement...however, he was not in his good health when we flied to Melbourne. He forced himself to walk through to the departure hall, with a bit of shortness of breath, dragging his heavy oedematous legs. That was the last time I hugged him and saw him standing.

May, 2010...he fell from a chair and sustained intracranial bleed...until now I kept questioning  myself for my delayed flying back to Kota Bharu...I reached to his side only after he was intubated and unable to talk to me . I vividly remember how he showed the painful sign over his stomach due to the gallbladder stone...he was sedated then....I was never able to chat with him after that. Once he was fully aware, courtesy of my beloved brother, I was able to see him through skype (thanks to the technology)...painfully we saw him via the monitor screen with tears flowing on our faces....he was left with skin and bone...open his eyes and mouth widely to try to communicate with us. ...

Card specially made for grandpa yet never been seen by him

 

Nov, 2010...thanks Allah...I was given the chance to be with him again...yet in a difficult situation...the bed and the ventilator was needed in the ward, the chance for him to recovery was very slim...we were tested with the communication dispute with the treating team and family matters....everyone seemed to be burning out...cry for help was everywhere...frustration, exhaustion, depression...everything...me...I am caught in the middle of responsibility with 2 nations...Kota Bharu and Caulfield...I was crying hard in my heart...my family (not just my dad yet my mum, sis and bro...) and my study...Allah’s planning indeed is the best...Alfatihah to my beloved dad.........