Again..I left this blog unattended for months.. Was busy or rather having no mood to update. But today I felt that I have to express my suppressed feeling..well it is mixed..am feeling sad, gloomy, angry. tired, fedup, bored, anxious yet also excited, looking forward, eager plus more (adjectives).
well..it may sound like am having mixed mood disorder (undifferentiated mixed mood..err..is there such diagnosis? hehehehe).
Yes..it is near..am coming back for good. why am sad and gloomy? because am leaving such a peaceful environment, less crime, friendly public transport, supportive space for me and family.
am worried because I yet to finish this thesis write up, anxious of whether I can finish this or not.
Reflecting back, it is all my procrastination problem..I should have finished it by this time..but at times I was too relaxing. And all of sudden our plan changed.
Despite that, there is future waiting for us back home..for the past few months, positive aura has lighted me (or rather my family). We have met some beautiful people, nice, warm and friendly whom treated us as if we were related. What a beautiful friendship..Alhamdulillah
Yet, living in this world is rather boring if there is no challenge. And yes..we are been challenged by a group of evil, bad people..am tired, fedup, angry with them..these people have been misused power and think she/they are smart enough, bullied those who are the minority..(nothing to do with my supervisor because she is a really good, superb woman). again this hatred feeling is suppressed because it is culturally inappropiate to express, ethically incorrect and also because am observing ramadhan..perhaps it is a test for me from Allah. Astagfirullah hazim..may Allah forgive me and others of our misconducts and led us to the correct path.
And here am I..with the rojak campur mood!
# we are now in last 10 days of ramadhan..may Allah grant us the sweetness of Lailatul Qadar. (p/s: not in a mood for hari raya though!)
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