It has been quite a long break since my last post...I've been up and down, busy with my data collection, meeting people here and there...interviewing, recording and transcribing. Indeed I've learnt a lot from this process. It is really hard work. The process is really tiring, hectic, need full attention and 100% commitment.
Doing qualitative research is actually hard work...it seems to be easy yet it is really really hard work. I’ve never been this busy in doing any research. People used to look down to this qualitative researcher, putting it down, bottom down the list in evidence based practise ...until they involve in this kind of approach then only they understand and appreciate this.
Along this journey, what I’ve learnt is how the world is being shape by those people, the surrounding, the culture, the interaction and everything is not straight forward. Indeed Allah has shaped the world beautifully, and people have their own perception on the creation. Their belief, their behaviour, their understanding is shaped by their interaction, their participation and indeed shape the world surrounding them.
Lately...I keep thinking of my papa. In the middle of struggling with my data, I was reasoning on what I choose this topic, why don't I just proceed with any of medical research, proceed with the biological approach, continuing the biomedical understanding...after all, it is a mainstream thinking in medicine...yet I have chosen to embark in social sciences study...It was really hard to digest all these social theories...Marxism, Foucault, Modernity, Post modernity, Structure, Agency bla bla bla...it was really blur, as if I was in a black tunnel with just a dim light on the other end. Syukur Alhamdulillah...having a couple of excellencent supervisors, a dynamic group of colleague, a supportive family and an understanding husband...here am I...in the middle of the journey...I understand the world better, mastering my subject and now I realized...papa was the graduate from social science...USM graduate in B Soc Science and indeed his subject was psychology. Now I know why this is my choice.
How I missed my papa so much...I miss him...miss to talk to him on this subject, to have his opinion...to get the support....to gather the strength...all that are now in just my memory...My dua' for papa...
Rabbighfir lii wali-waalidayya walilmum-iniina yauma yaquumul hisaab, Rabbirhamhumaa kamaa rabbayaani shag-hiiraa
O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they have nourished me when I was young.
O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they have nourished me when I was young.
May Allah grants him the Jannah. Ameen
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